Wednesday, September 29, 2010
From the Tolkien Trees in Avesbury to the Giants Causeway in Bushmills I'm still generating feelings of serenity and calm. Meditating feels nice, really nice. It's seriously blissful. Nearly as blissful as chocolate or sex ;) It's easy to see how it can turn into a total addiction for some. I've heard of people getting hooked on meditation retreats and travelling the world, just as Elizabeth Gilbert, in search of higher and highers planes of consciousness. Apparently ashrams, orange robes and eating only papayas blisses you out so much that you believe you are enlightened enough to contemplate becoming a spiritual guru and enlightening others. And then they come home form their spiritual odyssey and are suddenly overcome with a deep depression. Remind me to stick to my trees, hills and cliffs, wearing black and eating whatever I feel like!! Forget the eating and praying, I think it's the love part which is the gift that leads to enlightenment. Love is something you give, not something you look for.
Monday, September 27, 2010
I bought a hair colour yesterday too and applied it last night in the hotel bathroom but it hasn't turned out exactly as I had planned. It's simply dark again but the red is hiding! When I've got more time to hunt out exactly what I'm looking for I'll continue this mission.
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Friday, September 24, 2010
I think I have to say that as much as our time here has been wonderful, it didn't live up to our expectations or deliver what we wanted from the village. We didn't really get known by the locals. I mean I come to the Noel Arms Hotel most days to log onto their wi-fi (which I have to ask for a code) and not once did any of the staff ask my name, how long I was here for (I could have lived here for all they knew), nor any other info about me. The closest we came to making friendships was our "night out" with some younger locals at another Pub. In their defence perhaps they get sick of speaking to people all the time who are mostly tourists and here for just a fleeting visit.
The town itself was fabulous. It had everything we needed. I used to grab my recyclable bag of a morning and walk the 50 metres to the fruit and veg store and the small supermarket which had almost everything we wanted. Church was beautiful. The gym served it's purpose until I gave it the flick last week opting to get more fresh air into my days.
I think our time here allowed me to dive deeper inside of myself also. I've had time to ponder life in this peaceful setting.
The weather sucks big time though and sadly, for me, it's only going to get worse :( I really like warmer weather, a tan, and being cleanly shaven. I've even resorted to trying to harvest a forest on my legs and arms to insulate me (lol).
Anyhow Chipping, you've served your purpose. Thanks for the memories. Ireland awaits.
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Indeed, we tend to glorify numbers to the point that we look to them almost exclusively for information on who we are, how we're doing, what we're worth, and what the future holds.
Thousand of people are standing upon a tiny machine each morning - the scale - and asking it "How should I feel about myself today?" People are counting calories and fat grams all day long, leaving very little room for the deeper explorations of body wisdom, body awareness, and the enjoyment of food.
This way of living and thinking is inherently stressful, and therefore counter productive to healing of any kind. And so...it's time to "De-number" the world.
At the Institute for the Psychology of Eating, we believe in putting numbers in their place. We certainly notice numbers and value the information they provide. However, we put a much higher premium on the data and insight gained from body wisdom, the journey of the soul, and intuition.
Institute for the Psychology of Eating
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Saturday, September 18, 2010
I don't think you can say you've failed to achieve something until you're dead. Or until you've tried everything; and you haven't really tried everything until you've died. So you might have given up, but you certainly haven't failed.
You should be bolder. When life doesn't work out the way you want it, it's not a sign you should give up, it's a sign you should be bolder.
I think your main lesson is courage. I think you need to embrace being totally courageous. When you've really done that you'll achieve your purpose. When you take on and triumph your challenges you'll be rewarded with the life you long for.
If a publisher simply accepted your book, that wouldn't have required any more courage from you.
You need to keep stepping into life until you couldn't be any more courageous. I think you'll discover that your true happiness comes from being the bravest, most glorious being you can be.
It's time to take another courageous step. To start becoming the magnificent woman you were put on this earth to be.
Menna Van Praag
Bolder and more courageous I shall be!
I had a falafel burger and soy chai latte. The were absolutely delicious. The whole family enjoyed their meals. Maybe I'll convert them yet (lol).
Friday, September 17, 2010
Menna Van Praag
I've heard this before, Karla Cameron!
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Menna Van Praag
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Monday, September 13, 2010
- Got pissed
- Got stoned
- Smoked a couple of cigarettes
- Had wild sex
- Lifted some weights
- Walked lots
- Slept heaps
- Read two books
- Ate chocolate
- Got chatted up by an Irish tour guide
- Laughed with some locals
- Eavesdropped on local happenings
- Witnessed a car accident
- Went to Church
- Found new inspiration
Saturday, September 11, 2010
Sister Miriam Therese MacGillis in Food As Sacrament writes:
"Our present cultural experience of food has degenerated into food as fuel, for supplying the energy for our insatiable search for that which will fill the hungers of our soul. When we understand that food is not a metaphor for spiritual nourishment, but is itself spiritual, then we eat food with a spiritual attitude and taste and are nourished by the Divine directly."
and Marc David in How We Eat writes:
"What nourishes? What is it that truly feeds us and provides the satisfaction we seek? We believe that good nutrition nourishes us, and it does, yet it is easy to lose sight of all that nourishes and focus on nutrition alone.
The question of what nourishes is often difficult to answer because our dietary notions change constantly. What we thought was good to eat yesterday is not always what we think is good today.
Most nutritional assertions that originate from authoritative sources have a brief shelf life. Our nutritional information is not based on what is ultimately good to eat, but what we believe is good to eat at the time. Within this unstable state of affairs, one thing does remain constant - the connection between our relationship to food and our inner world. How we eat is a reflection of how we live. Our hurrying through life is reflected in hurrying through meals. Our fear of emotional emptiness is seen in our overeating. Our need for certainty and control is mirrored in strict dietary rules. Our looking for love in all the wrong places is symbolized in our use of food as a substitute for love.
The more we are aware of these connections, the greater the potential for our personal and inner satisfaction. For in changing the way we eat, we change the way we live. By focusing attention while eating, we learn to focus attention in any situation. By enjoying food, we begin to enjoy nourishment in all its forms. By loosening dietary restrictions, we learn to open up to life. By accepting our body as it is, we learn to love ourselves for who we are. And by eating with dignity, we learn to live with dignity."
Thursday, September 9, 2010
I'm a big believer in meditation and it's ability to still ones mind and calm ones body. It's a spiritual practice I engage in most days. It affords me the authority to listen, to hear my inner wisdom and receive answers to the questions my conscious mind asks. Although I do not always heed the questions nor hear the answers I want to hear I am often brought back to these moments in the future. Some time last year I was told to "trust yourself" and I've never forgotten it although when I need these words most I don't tend to remember them (typical)! Yesterday, whilst amongst the spirited stones in Avebury I was led on a guided meditation by the audio commentary we had hired. I like to hear the history of what I'm seeing, to feel their life. Otherwise I'd just be looking at bloody rocks! It was amongst, what is referred to as, the Tolkien Trees I sat. I was asked to imagine the tree roots, where I was seated, connecting me to the earth, a light being channeled from the top of my head to the sky above. To feel the spirit of the stones surrounding me and hear their words of wisdom. As short and sweet as they were I will remember to "keep trekking and trusting." There are many different forms of meditation. I tend to flicker between them all not practising one specific kind. It is my time to tune out of the world and take time to simply just "Be." I am able to get in touch with my innermost essence and be fearless and free. Whereever I go or whatever I do I can then carry this stillness within me rather than the turbulent mind that once was. Oh, how my life has changed!
Sunday, September 5, 2010
Saturday, September 4, 2010
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Monday, August 30, 2010
Friday, August 27, 2010
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
In other Tuesday news, I joined the Sports Centre for 25 pounds for a month giving me access to the gym, pool and fitness classes. I never thought this would happen but last night I had a crack at the "Boxercise" class and blimey love, it was fucken brilliant! I met some lovely ladies, chatted, punched, laughed and even sweated a bit too :) I walked home on cloud nine basking in the endorphins and commended myself on getting involved in something new. It's been a long time since I've done a group exercise class. Tonight is "Circuit Training" and tomorrow night "Fitball." Laughing at what Matt would say about that (hahaha).
Monday, August 23, 2010
Saturday, August 21, 2010
I'm craving some routine, as is Dave and moreso the children. Hence my little hissy fit yesterday. London has been wonderful but hectic with no rest days as were scheduled in Bali. Traipsing around with tired children and sore feet starts to get on your nerves a bit after a few days. This is why this adventure was not about being tourists as such but moreso about experiencing how others live which is why we've based ourselves in places for weeks at a time. I'm craving a little bit of normality such as daily walks in nature, home prepared meals, meditation, reading and prayer which have fallen by the wayside in the past week. That's ok. Life still goes on but these things enhance my life and make me really, really, really happy. I did, however, head out for a walk again this morning just as daylight was breaking, which was refreshing and tranquil.
You can see my furry friends here.
Friday, August 20, 2010
Thursday, August 19, 2010
My conclusion? It doesn't matter what happens in life and your circumstances. Nothing ever stays the same. It's all a continual process of change. Some good, some bad. Whatever happens, happens. Let whatever be, be.
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
In the basket was almond milk, rice milk, brown rice protein, pea protein, vegan protein, greens powder, pom juice, coconut juice, oats, brown rice, psyllium husks, goji berries, agave syrup, peanut butter, almond butter, himalayan pink salt, tamari and a few raw food bars. I was pretty stoked with my purchases.
Pret A Manger is a really cool place. A fast food joint selling delicious tasting natural food. I opted for the Butternut Squash and Spinach Soup and it was de-lic-ous! These places are everywhere which is awesome and a step in the right direction in terms of fast food chains.
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Sunday, August 15, 2010
I wept silently as we drove away from the hotel towards the airport. I knew this trip would be life changing but didn't realise it would happen so soon. Dave commented that I was quite chilled packing the bags but underneath I felt flooded with stress. I kept it to myself. Stage one down. What will stage two bring? I have learnt so much more about myself and the way in which I fit into the Universe in just three short weeks. Believing and trusting my thoughts and judgements that little bit more each day. Amazed at my strength of character. I'm committed to my search for freedom and know that I will find it! And I'm still getting the tattoo when the time is right.
There's a freedom kind of feeling when you don't give a fuck about what people think. A sort of anonymity. Yet, I know you're out there reading and probably got me on "wanker alert" but I couldn't give two shits. I care about you but don't care what you think of me :) I'm over trying to impress others. I'm me and this is who I am.
Not sure about blogger rules but figured I'd best be on my best behaviour and add the adult content warning upon opening. Did you get excited about that?
I've always loved being tanned but I'd have to say that this one even beats the solarium days. Got the tits to prove it.
The last of the pampering happened yesterday. The boys went to the pub to watch the football. The girls to the spa. Package 2 - Full Body Massage, Body Scrub, Facial - 2 hours - 130,000 rupiah ($16). You want medium or strong massage? Medium please. Okay? Little bit more strong please. Okay now? Very good. Thank you. I soaked up every last bit of relaxation like a sponge begging my body to hold onto the calmness. Lying face down, in all but my undies, I am coated in a mud like substance and left to dry. Then, with the bare of her hands, rubbed until the mud rolled into little plasticine type worms and off my body. Turn over please. I am covered by a thin sheet which is lifted to reveal my legs firstly. I wonder what will happen when she reaches the top but I do not have to wonder long for the sheet is removed and there they are, my tits. Out there and happening. She spreads the mud gently over them completely and once again I'm covered with the sheet and left to dry. Removal time and I have to use all of my might to not crack a smile for fear of her thinking I'm getting turned on by her touching my breasts. I'm laughing under my breath and thinking thank God Sofie opted for a hair wash rather than a body scrub. She'd be freaking out right about now. God, I hope my nipples aren't erect. Wonder if she realises I have implants? Would she even know what they are? Lucky I've got my knickers on. Do they do brazilians in Bali? My thoughts are interupted. Shower please. Lastly, my face is relieved of all the grease from sunscreen. I've felt like a grease bucket all week breaking out in a few pimples which could also have been hormone pimples from the early arrival of TOM. I'm thankful there's only a need for a surfboard now and hence no changing corks over smelly, dirty dunny's.
Going surfing now.
Saturday, August 14, 2010
No I never felt like this before
Yes I swear, it's the truth
And I owe it all to you
Cause I've had the time of my life
I can safely say that this had been my best holiday ever. And it's only just begun!
Sampai jumpa and Sampai ketemu lagi Sanur and Bali. Love you. I'll be back!
I can tell you it's sheer relief to be leaving on such good terms and in such a good headspace. It feels like I'm experiencing whatever it is for the very first time which seems new and wonderful. I have been calmed by the gentleness of Bali. The warmth of the people wrapping me up in a blanket of kindness. A layer of understanding has started to surface. I have been guided by the unknown. Blessed beyond belief. I wish I had more time here to listen to lessons of life, humanity and self-respect but it is not to be, just yet. Balinese have a fundamental belief that only three relationships matter in life: your relationship with God, your relationship with nature, and your relationship with mankind. This is their secret to inner power. Thank you for teaching me this.
Look out London, here comes Shelley Stark.
The idealism of female beauty is a body with a slim hourglass figure with tiny waste and slim arms, just as in many other countries. An overweight body is a sign of imbalance and lack of harmony. It is only people without faith who need to "find themselves." They pay great attention to personal hygiene and cleanliness using an aromatherapy ritual, after washing, as an act of what we call self-care of self-love. The body is the vehicle of the soul.
Thursday, August 12, 2010
- Hose your bum hole after pooing.
- Massage arse cheeks when giving a full body massage.
- Eat rice with your fingers.
- Slow down. Life will wait for you.
Some things Aussie's could teach Balinese:
- Smoking in restaurants, especially when others are eating, is fucking disgusting.
- If we say "no, thanks" we mean no fucking thanks.
- Cooking with a lot less oil is much healthier.
I'm just saying.
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Monday, August 9, 2010
In my dreams I own this house and have renovated it, with the help of Balinese tradespeople, restoring it back to immaculate condition full of Balinese architecture. I live here with Dave, Sofie and Jayden. Jason comes to stay every school holidays sometimes bringing his girlfriend or a mate too. Our families visit often, as do some of our friends, so there is never a shortage of people in the house, ensuring lots of fun and laughter. We have a handsome maid:
who does all of the cleaning and cooking, making us delicious healthy fare. He is a gentle man whom the kids adore. We are very grateful to have his help. We own an electric blue Yamaha scooter with which we transport the kids to school. They are attending a local school, translating English for them, but also learning the Indonesian language. They love school, even though they attend six days per week, as they finish at lunchtime each day leaving plenty of time for swimming in our pool and massages by our therapist who arrives at 3 pm each afternoon. My early mornings are spent walking or running along the beach front sometimes accompanied by Dave or one of our guests or some of the local friends I've made. I'm teaching our friends the joy of exercise and how to lift some really heavy shit. They, in return, are teaching me how to walk straight and tall so that I won't let my basket fall. My Indonesian is coming along nicely. I can communicate enough to get by which has been of great benefit when learning with my spiritual teacher whom speaks little English. He once told me that "death is easy, life is hard." As each day passes I'm making sure that I'm living a meaningful life, one full of adventure with no regrets.
Have I forgotten anything? I'm not nutso. I did say it was "in my dreams." A girl can fantasize can't she?
Sunday, August 8, 2010
Friday, August 6, 2010
Occasionally, I'll receive an email from someone and my response to them astounds me. (no reference to persons has been made to protect the innocent).
"In the end I think it's just a patience thing and it really is very simple. We tend to overthink and complicate matters. I needed to learn to "love myself fat" and take good care of myself. I believe that it takes time for you to trust yourself and therefore your body to follow suit. What's helped me tremendously is writing affirmations the old fashioned way (pen and paper) just like writing lines at school when you were in trouble. I writes things such as "I am worthy, I deserve, I am, I can" statements. It takes just 5 or 10 minutes each day and I actually now believe what I'm writing, whereas once upon a time I didn't. Sometimes I don't recognise the person I now am and am thrilled with myself and who I am these days."
"The hardest thing is making a start and you've done that with the walking so don't let anyone or anything stop you from doing it if you enjoy it. Of course, every now and then, there may be times where you simply can't fit it in and that's ok also, it's life and sometimes life gets in the way."
"When I get upset about others Dave has a saying that helps me which is simply "it's not my problem" and although you are and will always be there for her "she's not your problem!" You need to say it over and over and over again - "it's not my problem, it's not my problem, it's not my problem." Of course, you love and care about her and her well-being but you can't get her out of her depression. She has to do that. You can offer suggestions - counselling, reading, self-help books, meditation, writing affirmations, gentle exercise (walking, yoga), etc but she has to take the action and get the ball rolling. The small things add up to big things and it's the small things that gain momentum so just something as simple as walking can lead to something greater."
"Although I'd love to be thin I will not allow my body shape or size to determine how I think, what I feel and how I live my life. If I can be happy now I can be happy at any weight."
Love you Shelley xxx
Another fruit bowl with note left in our room:
"When we take time to notice the simple things in life, we never lack for encouragement. We discover we are surrounded by a limited hope that's just wearing everyday clothes."
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
This was on our table today at the coffee/cocoa plantation. Pure tobacco (no chemicals or nicotine)
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Monday, August 2, 2010
It occurred to me this morning that I was whingeing over having to wash the dishes the old fashioned way, in the sink. Other than the cooking, which I've now minimised, and clothes washing I'm doing jack shit. Every morning the doorbell rings and we're greeted with "selamat pagi" by our gorgeous housekeeper. He makes our beds, cleans our bathrooms, delivers fresh towels, handtowels, teatowels, washers and bathmats and sweeps and mops the floors. If only I could take him home. So, no more whining from me. It's the least I can do.
I've got some basic lingo down pat. Dave was impressed yesterday when I had a very mini conversation with the kids club carer, Yugi:
"Pagi. Apa kabar."
"Baik-baik saja. Apa kabar."
Sunday, August 1, 2010
I was amused in the supermarket yesterday when I seen this. A stand full of different protein powders and such. I didn't think I'd see this stuff over here. I didn't buy any though (I'm int0 pea protein powder these days, without the added crap) and forgot to look at the price but if my oats are anything to go by I bet they cost a shit load. Can you believe I'm paying $11 for a bag of fucking oats?
Saturday, July 31, 2010
- Blogger fucking pisses me off sometimes. Should have learnt Wordpress.
- Fuck it, I've given up washing everything in bottled water. Tap water and drying with a teatowel will have to suffice.
- I'm over cooking with minimal cooking instruments. It takes so God damn long to feed everyone.
- I understand why, in the olden days, women spent most of their time in the kitchen.
- I'm seriously considering living on juices, fruit and anything that doesn't need cooking.
- Washing up 3 times a day sucks. Where's the fucking dishwasher?
- My fear of getting pissed off with Dave by spending 24/7 together has, so far, been unfounded.
- Dave and I work great as a team.
- Walking/running first thing in the morning rocks my world.
- Should be able to weight train again tomorrow. Soreness just eased today thank fuck!
- I've successfully navigated my fanny region with a razor today :)
- Razorblades in waterslides is another urban myth. Another childhood fear!
Note left in our room yesterday with fruit:
"Joy seems to me a step beyond happiness. Happiness is a sort of atmosphere you can live in sometimes when you're lucky. Joy is a light that fills you with hope and faith and love." by Adela Rogers St. Johns
Thursday, July 29, 2010
- My dream to be a wonderful wife and mother.
- My goal to pursue my creativity, whether that is in writing or otherwise.
- I believe that I will be successful and happy beyond my wildest dreams.
- One day I will conquer all of my fears.
- My desire for a long and fulfilling life with Dave, Jason, Sofie, Jayden and other family members and my friends.
- I'd like to keep caring more and giving more and keep myself aligned with my passions.
- My quest to continue learning about spirituality.
I've well and truly got my dose of Vitamin D yesterday and today. Shelley LOVES the sun and now has a healthy tan to show for it :) There's a certain kind of serenity in sunbaking. It's like the sun infuses every part of my body with a relaxation drug. I lay here listening to the sounds surrounding me. The soft music playing in the background from the pool-side restaurant, the water flowing from the fountains into the pool, the birds chirping from afar, the laughter from the children in kids club. I open my eyes to see the quiet and hear a rooster cock-a-doodle-doing in the distance. I notice the calm, stillness of the pool with not a body immersed other than the lady sitting on the edge, dangling her feet whilst reading a book. I look down to see sweat beading all over my body and decide it's time for a dip to cool off. But first I need to put my bikini top on as I'm currently wearing a strapless mini sun-dress trying to avoid sunbaking lines and alleviate the ones I attracted yesterday. I curse under my breath that topless sunbaking/swimming is not the norm and socially acceptable. They're only tits for Christ sake. For a brief second I contemplate diving in topless and wonder what the consequences would be, if any. But then, being the good girl that I am, do the right(?) thing and dress appropriately. I am immediately refreshed as the coolness of the water embraces me. I float for a while before leaving the safety of the water to lay back on my sunbed and start the sunbaking/tanning cycle all over again.
How many people do you think piss in the pool? I'm not talking kids, I mean adults? Really? I remember as a child being told if you pee in the pool your legs would turn blue. Something to do with a chemical that detected piss. And ever since I've always been too scared to, even as an adult when I'm not sure if it's fact or fiction. It seems such an inconvenience to leave pool-side and the comfort of the sun-lounge to relieve my bladder especially with wet boardies. It's like trying to get your tights up when you've sweated profusely from exercise. They always stick and there's a bit of wiggling and jiggling to get them up and into their correct position. I'm not about to test the theory though. Besides my fear of turning into a smurf I don't fancy contributing to the piss quota so I'll pack up and piss off to my room - literally!
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
At the markets this morning seeing and smelling all the dead animals turned my stomach and was a reminder why I'm now a vegan. I'm not saying I'll never eat animals or their products again but for now it feels good and right. God knows, in the past, I've eaten enough fucking chicken to last me a lifetime.
Fucken hell I'm sore. What the fuck was I thinking yesterday? It's all good though, with 1 hour massages for $5 on a daily basis I'll be walking normally again in no time. Tough life but someone's gotta help the Bali women earn a living.
I'm feeling much more settled this evening now I've gotten my bearings and feel like I can settle into some sort of routine. On the cards tomorrow morning is a run towards the main street heading for the beach.
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Ask most girls and they'll all have a favourite make-up item. I'm guessing the majority would say lip gloss but for me it's mascara. I've not put a scrap of make-up on since we left Brisbane and have not done my hair other than put a brush through it after showering. I did however, use the hair dryer this morning trying to get the kinks out as naturally I'm quite wavy. I didn't realise how fair and fine my eye lashes are and even if I'm not doing the whole hog I'll still whack a bit of mascara on. So, adjusting to none is taking time.
The toilets in our apartment are quite different from home. They have a huge bowl filled with water so when you crap all the crap floats around until you flush. The beauty of this is you get to check out your poop before flushing so even if it's a beauty, the ideal sausage-like stool, it doesn't sink straight down the s-bend. And, c'mon, who doesn't check out the quality of their shit? There's such a thing as the Bristol Stool Chart which uses your bowel motions to measure your health and apparently it's one of the most accurate self diagnostic methods available. According to my shit, I'm one healthy chick :)