VOICING NICER WORDS

So after my piss talk on Friday night I really haven't had too many writing ideas. Perhaps I killed a few brain cells (lol). Anyhow I used my voice to speak nicer words yesterday and even got my bit of karaoke in. In case you haven't guessed I'm talking about Church. I try to go to Church as often as I can. Bizarre really cause I would never have guessed that I'd end up a church goer and actually enjoy it. Well, really love it. There's a certain stillness, a peacefulness that washes over me, like water over a sandy beach, the minute I step foot into this place of worship. I don't care too much for what religion or anyone elses beliefs about God. I have my own of those which are mine and personal. Last Sunday, the first Sunday here I attended Holy Communion in the morning. Yesterday I slept in and missed the morning service so attended last night. As there isn't too many attendees in the evening which is called "Evensong" I was invited to sit in the pews with the choir. It felt welcoming being amongst the elderly folk. It seems which ever Church I go to I am always the youngest, by a long shot. Why is this? Is it because I am one of the few my age to realise there is something greater than ourselves out there? Am I still seeking and searching? I've had this discussion with a male friend of mine before leaving Brisbane as he, himself, was entertaining the thought of going to a Church and was asking me about the Church I attended in Ashgrove. It did happen to be an Anglican church, which religion I am baptised but it was not because of this I went there. Purely and simply it was because I felt I belonged there and because the Reverend was very entertaining and thought provoking in his sermons. Every week the Reds (rugby) were mentioned. And although, so far, the Ministers here have been very much old fashioned in their delivery I find it intriguing to hear their voices, their opinions on bible stories. Another reason I liked Ashgrove's 7.30 am service was there was no singing and although here I'm not belting out tunes such as "Gimme Head" or "I Will Survive" I'm allowing whatever comes to flow freely, in or out of tune. There's little differences I'm noticing in the order of the service too. Like when the Priest says, "Peace be with you" I'm the only one to reply, "And also with you." I'm also asking the question "Where's my wine and bread?" and according to the lady sitting next to me last night they don't always do it. It depends on the Minister. And rarely at the evening service which is delivered from the old testament (1662). I take back all the times I called people with a religious fish on their car windows a "fish fucker" because now too, like them, I'm very happy I've found this enhancement to my life. If you're not already doing so, you should give it a go. You just never know! If fear of turning into a religious nut turns you off you just have to think of me cause did my previous post sound anything of the kind?

KEEPING IT REAL

In the theme of keeping it real I'm gonna type as my brain dictates. I'm in the pub, 50 metres from home, and up to my 3rd glass of NZ Sauvignon Blanc. Some days they go down better than others :) I usually come here of an arvo (whilst home is well and truly racking out the zeds) and have a glass whilst blogging. Most days I don't give a fuck, some days I do. Today is a "I don't give a flying fuck with added benefits." Dave just walked in and I flicked screens. He said "what are you doing?" and I showed him and he said "there's nothing wrong with that." Why can or do some people think this way and others don't? Guess what I did today? You'll never guess. I had a pooper scoop, a de-poop, colonic hydrotherapy. Of course, as a family blog, I wasn't gonna broadcast it on there. Honestly, I'm a huge fan of them. I can see you screwing up your nose imagining a hose up your arse but seriously it's not that bad and not like what you imagine at all. I once used it as a weight loss strategy and gave them a break for a long while whilst I sorted my shit out but before I left I treated them as a "taking good care of myself" measurement. And was even offered a job as a Colon Hydrotherapist when/if I get back. And I'll seriously consider it. Another blanc at five pounds fifty - highway fucking robbery! I think old mate the barman is keeping tabs on me ;) Weird how alcohol dampens your appetite. I'm currently thinking fuck dinner which is already prepared from last night (vegetable and brown rice stir-fry). Gosh, I love England but I especially love when I hear a group of guys sitting behind me continuously saying "fuck." It's a great word isn't it? You can use it in so many contexts. Fuck me, fuck you, I might get a fuck tonight (lol), fuck this is awesome, fuck I love my life, etc. Here come some more English men and women. C'mon, let's liven up this fucken party! Where's the music for fuck sake? In Aus, you wouldn't dare be at a pub on a Friday night without some form of fucking music - jukebox or live band. I want me karaoke! There's a guy at the bar scratching his arse. Why do men do that in public? And adjust their balls for that matter? There's some Melbournetonians and Americans within ears reach. They're talking about global warming for fucks sake. Get a fucking life! I've switched drinks - vodka, lime and soda. I'm feeling pissed and I have to listen quite intently to the barman who asks "add it to the tab?" I'm trying to act cool, calm and collected but quietly I just want to go fucken crazy! Am I a bad mother for leaving Dave at home to deal with the children and get them dinner? Aw fuck em. Dave's now joined me and we're checkin out facebook. Fuckin shit isn't it? Right, I'm off now and gonna get me a good fuck!

CLASSIC

Jayden: I'm going to the toilet.

Me (laying on the lounge in front of the fire reading): Can you go for me please?

Jayden: Okay I will but I still don't get how you go for other people.

A SPIRITUAL PATH

When you open your heart.
You bare your soul.

When you bare your soul.
You learn to love.

When you learn to love.
You start to live.

When you start to love.
The world is your oyster.

SURVIVING

You know how you get those shirts that say "I survived ......." like I survived the tower of terror or some other freakin scary ride. Well, I'm thinking I should get a shirt that says "I survived Cadbury World." Anyone who knows me knows I LOVE chocolate. I've been known to down a few in my time ;) both consciously and unconsciously. Every morsel that entered my mouth was consumed mindfully, sometimes closing my eyes and feeling it as well as tasting it and by God it was good! I've said it before and I'll say it again "everything in moderation" and "it's what you think and how you feel."

In other Tuesday news, I joined the Sports Centre for 25 pounds for a month giving me access to the gym, pool and fitness classes. I never thought this would happen but last night I had a crack at the "Boxercise" class and blimey love, it was fucken brilliant! I met some lovely ladies, chatted, punched, laughed and even sweated a bit too :) I walked home on cloud nine basking in the endorphins and commended myself on getting involved in something new. It's been a long time since I've done a group exercise class. Tonight is "Circuit Training" and tomorrow night "Fitball." Laughing at what Matt would say about that (hahaha).

FALLEN INTO A FAIRYTALE

It feels like I've fallen into a fairytale. The timeless elegance of Chipping Campden is like nothing I have ever experienced before. I am surrounded by its beauty which is magical and yet somewhat surreal. I have never seen anything like it. Overlooking the whole town from Dover's Hill in its stunning simplicity I am mesmerised and wait to wake up from a dream. You cannot appreciate the age old beauty of Chipping Campden and The Cotswolds until you are placed smack bang in the middle of it. Carol Cottage which we now call "home" for the next five weeks is a mere 50 metres from the main street where everything needed to live simply exists. The butcher, Drinkwaters Fruit & Veg, The Co-operative General Store are all within 100 metres from home. Church is a five minute walk away as is the sports centre containing a gym with a few fitness classes and a pool. I am undoubtedly in love with the village already. Lack of internet access is allowing me plenty of time for other, more important things like breathing in nature. I cannot believe my eyes walking through the streets. The "wow" factor overcoming me emotionally. I wonder how I could be so lucky to be experiencing such a wonderful life. What have I done to deserve this? I feel free. I am at peace.

CRAVING

I'm craving some routine, as is Dave and moreso the children. Hence my little hissy fit yesterday. London has been wonderful but hectic with no rest days as were scheduled in Bali. Traipsing around with tired children and sore feet starts to get on your nerves a bit after a few days. This is why this adventure was not about being tourists as such but moreso about experiencing how others live which is why we've based ourselves in places for weeks at a time. I'm craving a little bit of normality such as daily walks in nature, home prepared meals, meditation, reading and prayer which have fallen by the wayside in the past week. That's ok. Life still goes on but these things enhance my life and make me really, really, really happy. I did, however, head out for a walk again this morning just as daylight was breaking, which was refreshing and tranquil.

You can see my furry friends here.

DFC

God, there's some dumb fucking cunts in the world isn't there? My ex-husband is one of them. I made the overseas call today to discuss the son situation and you know what the fucking knob said? As far as he's concerned if Jason has made the decision to stay at my Mum's then he won't support him financially anymore. You selfish fucking childish arsehole. I don't give a flying fuck what went down. He's your son and I'm of the opinion that you support your children until they reach adulthood and/or are able to stand on their own two feet. He's only 16 and a half and still at secondary school you moron. Hate is a powerful word which I'd rather replace with love but sometimes I hate you so much and wish you never entered my life. I know, I know. Fucking shit about everyone you meet and interact with is for a reason, to teach you something but the only thing you taught me is to recognise a dumb fucking cunt when I see one.

POOING IN PEACE

I can't wait to get to Chipping Campden so that I can poo in peace. One bathroom/toilet does not work for a family of four. I could never understand how and why Dave could sit in the toilet, smelling his own stench, for what seemed like hours but now I totally get it. It's another escape from reality, from daily mundane tasks, from duty, a kind of relaxation if you will. I often sit in there with my writing pad and pen, writing out my lines, my affirmations. Sometimes I even get inspiration on what to write for the day. More often than not I can be found reading my latest book, currently Frangrant Rice by Janet De Neefe. A true story about her continuing love affair with Bali containing many traditional Balinese recipes. I think to myself I'll just read a few pages and then something really interesting will arise and I can't or don't want to stop. I'm also the kind of person that will not put a book down part way through a page and even then I have to read both left and right pages so that when I place my bookmark in I know that the next time I open the book I start reading on the left hand page. It is these idiosyncrasies that make me unique ;) It's kinda like which way does the toilet roll have to sit so that the paper rolls off either under or over. Also whether you are a scruncher or folder. I'm an over and folder girl myself :) Call me quirky but as they say you can take the girl out of the funk, but you can't take the funk out of the girl.

BANGERS & MASH

I had to do it. Bangers, mash, peas and gravy. But imagine my surprise and to my delight when on the menu was vegetarian sausages, Lincolnshire and leek. Apprehensive about the taste I was pleasantly surprised that they were bloody beautiful. Quite salty in taste and combined with the gravy even saltier. Luckily I had a vodie to wash it down with ;)

FUCKING FASCINATING SHIT

Today I learnt some really fucking fascinating shit at the Natural History Museum. I've never been into all that nerdy stuff but I actually enjoyed the learnings. Don't ask me what I learnt cause I can't remember now. In one ear, out the other, but at the time it was very thought provoking. I likened some of it to my more personal experiences of the recent past.













































My conclusion? It doesn't matter what happens in life and your circumstances. Nothing ever stays the same. It's all a continual process of change. Some good, some bad. Whatever happens, happens. Let whatever be, be.

HYDE PARK

I did it! I got out for a walk/run this morning in Hyde Park, London. And, it was amazing! Finally my body has adjusted to local time and there's no more of this waking for good at 2 or 4 am bullshit. Although I did wake I was able to get back to sleep and since I wasn't completely shagged last night got my clothes ready so I didn't have to root around in my bag in the dark and wake Dave up in the process. That's the difficulty in staying in a hotel which is pretty much all one big room with a wall dividing us from the kids and a bathroom off to the side. I try and sneak around soas not to wake them. They're unlike me. Definitely not earlybirds. They like to sleep in, at least an hour or so after the sun has risen. That's another thing I love about London. The days here are so long. It doesn't get dark until around 9 pm and it was already light when I left the building this morning at 5.30 am. There was no need to worry about safety at that hour either. There's hundreds of people out walking, running and cycling. And there were so many different tracks you could take. I stuck to a main one and went for 1/2 an hour in one direction before turning around and heading home ensuring I didn't get lost. I headed on the Princess Diana Memorial Walk and guess what I seen? Little baby squirrels bouncing around. They were so cute. Of course, I didn't have the camera with me. Maybe tomorrow. Anyway, I'm home now and the family are up so down for breakfast we go before the crowd gets there.

WHOLE FOODS MARKET

At my request, first up this morning we headed to Wholefoods Market in Soho, London for me to do some shopping in preparation for The Cotswolds. That place seriously fucken rocks! I could have gone fuckin crazy in there. Oh wait, actually I did, just a little bit. I restrained myself a bit too though and just bought the items I knew I'd need and just a few others to try. Seeing new products in a new country is hard to resist not buying and trying them all. Again, it was a case of reading about the market long ago and there was no way I was coming to London without going there to check it out. I shopped with no respect for money or the exchange rate so it cost me a fucken bomb but then again I've always been of the opinion that I don't care how much food costs if it's good for me.















In the basket was almond milk, rice milk, brown rice protein, pea protein, vegan protein, greens powder, pom juice, coconut juice, oats, brown rice, psyllium husks, goji berries, agave syrup, peanut butter, almond butter, himalayan pink salt, tamari and a few raw food bars. I was pretty stoked with my purchases.

In other news we ate lunch here today.















Pret A Manger is a really cool place. A fast food joint selling delicious tasting natural food. I opted for the Butternut Squash and Spinach Soup and it was de-lic-ous! These places are everywhere which is awesome and a step in the right direction in terms of fast food chains.

THE BUFFET

The buffet, in the past, was always my nemesis. The mere sight of a buffet was like an open ticket to Bulimiaville. But, nowadays, I've successfully negotiated it. I've worked out a little trick that works for me. Day 1 - eat a little bit of everything including the non-healthy variety (muffins, croissants, hash browns, etc). From then on I know what it all tastes like and I can choose only that which gives me pleasure, pleases my senses, delights my desires, and has me feeling fab-u-lous ready to start the day. There's no need for me to join the gluttony group, I've been there and know it feels fucking shit. A friend once told me she pretends the buffet is a menu and off the menu, after looking at each dish, she chooses just one thing, just as she would in a restaurant ordering a-la-carte but fuck that, there's too many yummy's and I like to have a little nibble of each which has been including eggs (yeah, back eating chook's bums), mushrooms, tomato, baked beans, orange, pineapple, little seeded rolls with banana, peanut butter and honey. On another note is it stealing when you take a little bit extra and put it in your handbag for Ron? Say, like a few pieces of whole fruit (apples, bananas), boiled eggs, muffins, croissants. I've a couple of zip lock bags to put the eggs and muffins in and the croissants get wrapped in a serviette. This all gets packed in our day bag and we're set for morning tea or even lunch. Am I a genius or thief?

POT POWDER

When I took the brakes off and put the pedal to the metal on my dieting days, what also flew out the window was the use of protein powder. For ages I didn't have any but then I starting using a little bit again here and there, just to ensure I was getting some protein, especially since I'd gone down the vege, plant eating route. I used Sun Warrior Brown Rice Protein, Tony Sfeir's Cacoa and Pea Proteins; all natural, no artificial anything. Blah, blah, blah I'm not gonna go into my reasonings or justifications or anything of the kind. I'm looking forward to settling in at Carol Cottage for 5 weeks and getting back into my green smoothies and yesterday, at a GNC store in London, found some Hemp Protein Powder, which I'd read about a while ago, and of course isn't available in Aus. Wonder if I'll feel stoned (lol)?

WRITING SHIT AND TITS

Waiting, waiting, waiting. At airport for airplane. No doubt the first of many flights cancelled. We've been put on the next flight to Kuala Lumpur but we'll still make our connecting flight to London, just (phew). I feel like writing some shit.

I wept silently as we drove away from the hotel towards the airport. I knew this trip would be life changing but didn't realise it would happen so soon. Dave commented that I was quite chilled packing the bags but underneath I felt flooded with stress. I kept it to myself. Stage one down. What will stage two bring? I have learnt so much more about myself and the way in which I fit into the Universe in just three short weeks. Believing and trusting my thoughts and judgements that little bit more each day. Amazed at my strength of character. I'm committed to my search for freedom and know that I will find it! And I'm still getting the tattoo when the time is right.

There's a freedom kind of feeling when you don't give a fuck about what people think. A sort of anonymity. Yet, I know you're out there reading and probably got me on "wanker alert" but I couldn't give two shits. I care about you but don't care what you think of me :) I'm over trying to impress others. I'm me and this is who I am.

Not sure about blogger rules but figured I'd best be on my best behaviour and add the adult content warning upon opening. Did you get excited about that?

I've always loved being tanned but I'd have to say that this one even beats the solarium days. Got the tits to prove it.

The last of the pampering happened yesterday. The boys went to the pub to watch the football. The girls to the spa. Package 2 - Full Body Massage, Body Scrub, Facial - 2 hours - 130,000 rupiah ($16). You want medium or strong massage? Medium please. Okay? Little bit more strong please. Okay now? Very good. Thank you. I soaked up every last bit of relaxation like a sponge begging my body to hold onto the calmness. Lying face down, in all but my undies, I am coated in a mud like substance and left to dry. Then, with the bare of her hands, rubbed until the mud rolled into little plasticine type worms and off my body. Turn over please. I am covered by a thin sheet which is lifted to reveal my legs firstly. I wonder what will happen when she reaches the top but I do not have to wonder long for the sheet is removed and there they are, my tits. Out there and happening. She spreads the mud gently over them completely and once again I'm covered with the sheet and left to dry. Removal time and I have to use all of my might to not crack a smile for fear of her thinking I'm getting turned on by her touching my breasts. I'm laughing under my breath and thinking thank God Sofie opted for a hair wash rather than a body scrub. She'd be freaking out right about now. God, I hope my nipples aren't erect. Wonder if she realises I have implants? Would she even know what they are? Lucky I've got my knickers on. Do they do brazilians in Bali? My thoughts are interupted. Shower please. Lastly, my face is relieved of all the grease from sunscreen. I've felt like a grease bucket all week breaking out in a few pimples which could also have been hormone pimples from the early arrival of TOM. I'm thankful there's only a need for a surfboard now and hence no changing corks over smelly, dirty dunny's.

Going surfing now.

THE TIME OF MY LIFE

Now I've had the time of my life
No I never felt like this before
Yes I swear, it's the truth
And I owe it all to you
Cause I've had the time of my life

I can safely say that this had been my best holiday ever. And it's only just begun!

Sampai jumpa and Sampai ketemu lagi Sanur and Bali. Love you. I'll be back!

I can tell you it's sheer relief to be leaving on such good terms and in such a good headspace. It feels like I'm experiencing whatever it is for the very first time which seems new and wonderful. I have been calmed by the gentleness of Bali. The warmth of the people wrapping me up in a blanket of kindness. A layer of understanding has started to surface. I have been guided by the unknown. Blessed beyond belief. I wish I had more time here to listen to lessons of life, humanity and self-respect but it is not to be, just yet. Balinese have a fundamental belief that only three relationships matter in life: your relationship with God, your relationship with nature, and your relationship with mankind. This is their secret to inner power. Thank you for teaching me this.

Look out London, here comes Shelley Stark.

ABOUT EATING AND THE BODY

Food for the offerings, which has been cooked in the early hours of the morning, must be set aside before the people eat. The Balinese believe that food must be shared with the spirits so that harm and bad fortune will not come your way. You should wash and tidy the kitchen in preparation for the first meal of the day. The Balinese sit close to the ground at mealtimes, most of the time, preferring contact with the earth, rather than the comfort of tables and chairs. Unlike in Western cultures there is little talk as spiritual nourishment is received from the soul of the food (rice). The food on the plate is like an offering and given to share, a gift of God's bounty, and deserves great respect. Like praying, you have to prepare yourself for the food that provides fuel for the body. Eating time is considered a private time and a person must not be disturbed when engaged in a meal. They prefer to eat in quiet places. Food and rice, at mealtimes, is scooped between the fingers on the right hand and placed into the mouth with very little mess being made. This makes for slower eating which results in more thorough digestion. The core of good health is said to be good digestion. By not talking aids the process by allowing the body to steadily assimilate the food. Whilst we as Westerners would think eating with the hands is unhygienic, some Balinese think the same about cutlery. They say that their food tastes more delicious when eaten with the fingers and that cutlery creates an unpleasant steely coolness and interferes with the tongue and tastes of all the spicy flavourings. A meal prepared with loving hands should be eaten with loving hands. In reverence to God, ceremonial food is ALWAYS eaten with the hand.

The idealism of female beauty is a body with a slim hourglass figure with tiny waste and slim arms, just as in many other countries. An overweight body is a sign of imbalance and lack of harmony. It is only people without faith who need to "find themselves." They pay great attention to personal hygiene and cleanliness using an aromatherapy ritual, after washing, as an act of what we call self-care of self-love. The body is the vehicle of the soul.

I'M SORRY

My divorce from my first husband was a difficult one. Difficult in the sense there was a young child involved. Jason was just one and a half when it all happened and has grown into a wonderful young man, now starting to make decisions of his own. One such decision in the past couple of days was to move out from his Dad and Step-Mum and go stay with my Mum, his Nan. It was under argumentative circumstances, I think had been brewing for some time. Here I am, no-where close by feeling helpless and perhaps guilty once more. Our initial child rearing arrangements between his father and myself worked wonderfully for some time until I had more children with my now husband and I had to make a tough decision to move in the direction with my new family and also do what was best for Jason which was for him to live more permanently with his Dad therefore spending less time with us. As a Mother this is a difficult thing to do. You love your children so much and only ever want what is best for them but at the same time you pine for your own loss. I'm actually feeling for his Dad now too. Does he choose his wife or his son, his only child? The uneasiness is between Jason and the Step-Mum; a personality clash of some kind. And adding teenage male hormones to the mix probably isn't helping. I desperately want to wrap Jason up in my arms, take away any pain and confusion, say I'm sorry for doing this to you. Growing up from a broken home is fuckity-fuck-fucked. Part of the reason I was fucked up. But I will not go back there. That was then, this is now. I can only do what I can from afar. It is times like these that I really appreciate my Mum and all that she does for me. I could go on forever this morning but I'll stop here for now. There's a brand new day in Paradise waiting for me.

SOME THINGS

Some things the Balinese could teach the Aussie's:

1. Hose your bum hole after pooing.
2. Massage arse cheeks when giving a full body massage.
3. Eat rice with your fingers.
4. Slow down. Life will wait for you.

Some things Aussie's could teach Balinese:

1. Smoking in restaurants, especially when others are eating, is fucking disgusting.
2. If we say "no, thanks" we mean no fucking thanks.
3. Cooking with a lot less oil is much healthier.

I'm just saying.

I LOVE BALI

There's a great big, exciting world out there waiting for me but this morning on my walk I was sad thinking about leaving Sanur. I love Bali; the sun, the water, the friendly people, the relaxing atmosphere. It feels safe here. I've found my rut, another comfort zone and although it doesn't frighten me to move on, I don't want to lose what I've created here. Dave says I'll feel the same about every place we go, when it's getting time to leave. We've only been here just over two weeks but it feels much longer. Surprising how one adjusts so easily to new surroundings. I reckon I could get used to this kind of life. In fact, I think I might just do that.

AM I A GOOD COOK OR WHAT?

Shelley style:

















- Mie Goreng


















- Nasi Goreng

- Coconut Curry

IN MY DREAMS

In my dreams I own this house and have renovated it, with the help of Balinese tradespeople, restoring it back to immaculate condition full of Balinese architecture. I live here with Dave, Sofie and Jayden. Jason comes to stay every school holidays sometimes bringing his girlfriend or a mate too. Our families visit often, as do some of our friends, so there is never a shortage of people in the house, ensuring lots of fun and laughter. We have a handsome maid:

who does all of the cleaning and cooking, making us delicious healthy fare. He is a gentle man whom the kids adore. We are very grateful to have his help. We own an electric blue Yamaha scooter with which we transport the kids to school. They are attending a local school, translating English for them, but also learning the Indonesian language. They love school, even though they attend six days per week, as they finish at lunchtime each day leaving plenty of time for swimming in our pool and massages by our therapist who arrives at 3 pm each afternoon. My early mornings are spent walking or running along the beach front sometimes accompanied by Dave or one of our guests or some of the local friends I've made. I'm teaching our friends the joy of exercise and how to lift some really heavy shit. They, in return, are teaching me how to walk straight and tall so that I won't let my basket fall. My Indonesian is coming along nicely. I can communicate enough to get by which has been of great benefit when learning with my spiritual teacher whom speaks little English. He once told me that "death is easy, life is hard." As each day passes I'm making sure that I'm living a meaningful life, one full of adventure with no regrets.

Have I forgotten anything? I'm not nutso. I did say it was "in my dreams." A girl can fantasize can't she?

THE TOILET EXPERIENCE

I've made it a habit to always carry tissues in my bag when venturing out for the day. I've been caught a couple of times and had to "drip dry" which isn't what I'd call a special experience. I did, today however, experience a new toileting experience. The look on Sofie's face said it all so we went in together giggling like school girls. "I'll go first. You hold the bag." With tissues neatly folded in hand, shirt pulled up and doubled over between boobs, so I could see what I was doing, I carefully took a couple of steps backwards so that I was positioned directly over the target. I dropped my daks, and with one hand held them out of the way, the other hold holding the tissues and Sofie's hand so I didn't slip or fall over in my squat position. When the flow had ceased and a quick blot with my saving grace loo paper I was relieved that it turned out just fine.

LOVE YOU SHELLEY

I'm just someone who has been where you are, just as many before me have gone where I am going.

Occasionally, I'll receive an email from someone and my response to them astounds me. (no reference to persons has been made to protect the innocent).

"In the end I think it's just a patience thing and it really is very simple. We tend to overthink and complicate matters. I needed to learn to "love myself fat" and take good care of myself. I believe that it takes time for you to trust yourself and therefore your body to follow suit. What's helped me tremendously is writing affirmations the old fashioned way (pen and paper) just like writing lines at school when you were in trouble. I writes things such as "I am worthy, I deserve, I am, I can" statements. It takes just 5 or 10 minutes each day and I actually now believe what I'm writing, whereas once upon a time I didn't. Sometimes I don't recognise the person I now am and am thrilled with myself and who I am these days."

"The hardest thing is making a start and you've done that with the walking so don't let anyone or anything stop you from doing it if you enjoy it. Of course, every now and then, there may be times where you simply can't fit it in and that's ok also, it's life and sometimes life gets in the way."

"When I get upset about others Dave has a saying that helps me which is simply "it's not my problem" and although you are and will always be there for her "she's not your problem!" You need to say it over and over and over again - "it's not my problem, it's not my problem, it's not my problem." Of course, you love and care about her and her well-being but you can't get her out of her depression. She has to do that. You can offer suggestions - counselling, reading, self-help books, meditation, writing affirmations, gentle exercise (walking, yoga), etc but she has to take the action and get the ball rolling. The small things add up to big things and it's the small things that gain momentum so just something as simple as walking can lead to something greater."

"Although I'd love to be thin I will not allow my body shape or size to determine how I think, what I feel and how I live my life. If I can be happy now I can be happy at any weight."

Love you Shelley xxx

Another fruit bowl with note left in our room:

"When we take time to notice the simple things in life, we never lack for encouragement. We discover we are surrounded by a limited hope that's just wearing everyday clothes."

GUESS WHO

I sit around the pool, comfortably on my sun lounge with my blue and green striped beach towel on top. I like to try and guess the nationality of the other guests. You can pick the Aussie's a mile away. I see them walking towards me with a carton of Bintang under his arm and over her shoulder, a green environmentally friendly Woolworths bag - bingo! To the right of me sits a family. Dad, Mum and two teenage girls. I guess they are French. The Dad has that typical Parisian look or at least the look I imagine Parisian gentlemen to possess, one of sophistication. I wait, listening for them to speak to see if I recognise any words from my French lessons in Brisbane before we left. But there is only silence among them each one reading a book. Obviously Stieg Larsson fans as this is the Author of three of the four books being read. I see a "De" and a "Maison" and think I could be right. Immediately next to me on my left is a lady, currently eating lunch. Some sort of wrap and fries with a freshly squeezed juice. She was here when I arrived pool side, soaking up the sun and reading a magazine. She has a bottle of Evian water and a well used plastic bag labelled Matahari Department Store on the ground beside her. German perhaps? Swiss maybe? Fuck knows! My "guess who" game is interrupted by Jayden who has just finished his snorkelling lesson. He wants to know "why did you smoke in Bali?" I answer "just for fun." Why I'm doing anything in life from now on - just for fun!!

RELEASING THE REBEL

It's been another AWESOME day out today. Too tired to write too much about it tonight other than to say that the Bali countryside is breathtakingly beautiful. It is simplicity at it's finest!

This was on our table today at the coffee/cocoa plantation. Pure tobacco (no chemicals or nicotine)

So just for shits and giggles I got Gustik (our guide) to roll me one.

Then after dinner, at home, lit that sucker.




















And sucked it all down. Now I can say I had a Balinese ciggie :) Positive I won't be taking it up again anytime soon (cough cough).

TEACHERS

I've come to realise that teachers are worth their weight in gold. That all the teachers strikes for a raise in pay were actually for a good cause. The future of the next generation is dependant upon our children's education. I mean who else is gonna teach the kids to read and write? It's not a simple task I tell you. How do you explain to a six year old things such as "i before e except after c" and c can sound k as in cat or s as in race? The English language is fucked. I like my Dad's way of writing, just as it sounds. And don't even get me started on grade six stuff. Pentagonal prisms, persuasive essays, diarama's. Do you even know what they are? I fucking don't. We're only doing an hour or two of schooling each day so how much more do they actually learn in a whole school day? We were told by the School Principal that the kids would learn far more through life experience than what they ever would in a classroom. I can only hope this is true as I can't see me getting "teacher of the year" award anytime soon.

MORNING SIGHTS

Of a morning I walk/run along here and see spectacular sights such as these. The little differences are truly beautiful.

RIPPED OFF

If I was writing today's post in our family blog I'd title it "Kunts in Kuta." What started out to be a wonderful day trip ended in boiling my blood probably exaggerated by the fact that I was tired and ravenously hungry. Hunger doesn't scare me anymore, not like it used to. I've learnt it comes in waves and I can deal with it, usually. I always carry a raw cacao food bar in my bag, just in case, for those moments where I may have to wait a bit. We'd had a great day down on Kuta beach. I love the sun, I love the water, I love the sea air but I HATE the friggen sand. Always have and probably always will. I do it (the beach) though for the kids and Dave who love it. Sometimes I'll have a swim, but mostly I sunbake. Today was hot, really hot, like burning hot in the sun so I took the bags and went 100 metres backwards into the shade where I was swarmed, like honey to the bees, by the Balinese women. "You want massage Madam?," "I give you pedicure," "t-shirt for girl - I give you good price, good for me, good for you." I surrender to a seated back, neck and shoulder masssage (so I can keep an eye on my two backpacks), a pedicure, an eyebrow and lip pluck, and a t-shirt for Sofie. Total bliss really. Love being pampered. The kids are hungry, as am I. We walk to a resort restaurant on the beach. Exuberant prices for Bali but we're all so hungry that we don't care. There's something on the menu both Sofie and Jayden like so Dave and I agree here it is, we'll eat anything. There is, however, no vegetarian on the menu. I ask if they can do something for me to which they reply no. So, I take some money and go for a walk a bit further up to see if I can find something to no avail and I come back and ask them can they do me just some boiled rice and veges. Now they can! Dave and the kids eat, I sit there waiting, waiting, waiting and then decide it's too long, I can't be bothered waiting so we pay the bill minus what I'd ordered and walk up the street. I'm thinking I'll get something up here. We stop to change some money as we're now running low. We've been warned about how to go about it. Always be the last one to touch the money. Count it out yourself. Don't take your eyes off it. We'd been diddled already once in Sanur so we're onto them. $100 is all we are changing which equates to 819,000 rupiah. We know what's going to happen when we're dealing with 20,000 rupiah notes. We both watch carefully as it's being counted. Dave double counts it. I give him 1,000 rupiah to make 820,000 even. We think it's all good, shake hands and walk away. Toilet stop next in McDonald's for Jayden to do a number two and Dave counts the money again just to make sure. Fucking c*nt has ripped us off. How the fuck do they do it? They're so quick. We felt like we watched them like hawks. I'm dileriously hungry by this stage and now absolutely furious. I find it surprising how hunger can turn you into a raving fucking lunatic, even though I now know I'm not going to die from being hungry. I know my next meal is just around the corner, blah, blah, blah. I tell Dave we're going back and storm up the road all the whilst trying to hold back the tears. If there's one thing I hate it's dishonesty. I take a deep breath and approach him. "You remember us? We just exchanged some money with you and you've ripped us off." He asks to see and we give him all his money back. He counts it and then tries to tell us some bullshit about commission. I say "NO" and he gives us back our Australian $100. He knows we've got him. Still mad and unfed I say we're going home. "Transport?, transport?" "Sanur, 50,000, no bartering, I'm mad and I just want to go home." First man no go, we keep walking, second man agrees and we go home where I've now eaten, rested by the pool and calmed down.

DIRTY LITTLE PRICKS

When I was a schoolgirl if someone in your class had nits they were dirty and disgusting. It meant they were dirty and didn't wash their hair which is why they got nits. I've never had them but poor Sofie has been plagued with them whilst in Brisbane. They ran rampant in her class/year and if someone else had them then Sofie was sure to end up with them. It is from this that I have realised that the little fuckers don't go for the grots because Sofie washed her hair daily, if not every second day. The last douching with head lice solution was the week before we left which meant we had to bring the rest of the solution with us to reapply 10 days later. I'm not sure how many days we're up to but Jayden has been complaining of an itchy head so last night, whilst I was fast asleep, Dave did the nit search to find some big suckers crawling around his head. Fucken dirty little pricks playing "tiggy" on his scalp. It's the first time they've been able to run and hide on his short back and sides. How's your head? Itchy? Today, we'll need to find a pharmacy or somewhere to get some more anti-lice to ensure we're rid of the bastards before we get to London.

It occurred to me this morning that I was whingeing over having to wash the dishes the old fashioned way, in the sink. Other than the cooking, which I've now minimised, and clothes washing I'm doing jack shit. Every morning the doorbell rings and we're greeted with "selamat pagi" by our gorgeous housekeeper. He makes our beds, cleans our bathrooms, delivers fresh towels, handtowels, teatowels, washers and bathmats and sweeps and mops the floors. If only I could take him home. So, no more whining from me. It's the least I can do.

I've got some basic lingo down pat. Dave was impressed yesterday when I had a very mini conversation with the kids club carer, Yugi:

"Pagi."
"Pagi. Apa kabar."
"Baik-baik saja. Apa kabar."
"Baik."

BUSTED

It was bound to happen, eventually. We got busted doing the do, jiggity jigging by Sofie. The kids were happily watching tv, I'd just cooked them pancakes and we got a bit frisky in the kitchen. The moment heated up and we figured we'd quietly sneak into the bedroom. We're going for it, getting close to that moment, oblivious to anything other than what we're working to achieve and Sofie knocks on the fucking door. I jump up/off and ask "did you lock the door?" He says "I think so" and in walks Sofie, smiling. It's obvious what we're doing. She's had the talks at school only recently. And the fact that neither of us have pants on and my top's up round my ears. She's not fucking stupid! So, with a smirk on my face say "go out, what do you want, yes you can have Daddy's pancake." She leaves, I make sure the door is locked this time and we finish what we started. Do you just leave it and not speak of it? Do you try and explain/excuse it? We've done what most parents would do. Laughed our arses off and vowed to always double check the door is locked.

SUCKING BIG DOGS BALLS

I've always entertained the belief that if I don't exercise first thing in the morning it won't happen. Mostly, this is true unless, of course, I have someone to train with later in the day. When it comes to weight training though first thing in the morning sucks big dogs balls for me. I'm tired, I lack energy and I'm as weak as piss. Besides the fact that my hamstrings still hate me a bit this morning my neck is really sore. I think from one of the water slides where I got airborne and when making contact again smacked my head backwards into the slide. Neck doms wtf? So, after 25 minutes this morning I bailed and have decided to stick with my morning walk/run and a couple/few days each week after breaky or even later in the day go throw some weights around. Maybe Dave and I could do something together since he's been "having a go" for the past few days. We'll see about that one. I came home and grabbed the camera and went back to take some pics of the gym or what is called fitness here.







I was amused in the supermarket yesterday when I seen this. A stand full of different protein powders and such. I didn't think I'd see this stuff over here. I didn't buy any though (I'm int0 pea protein powder these days, without the added crap) and forgot to look at the price but if my oats are anything to go by I bet they cost a shit load. Can you believe I'm paying $11 for a bag of fucking oats?