KEEPING IT REAL

In the theme of keeping it real I'm gonna type as my brain dictates. I'm in the pub, 50 metres from home, and up to my 3rd glass of NZ Sauvignon Blanc. Some days they go down better than others :) I usually come here of an arvo (whilst home is well and truly racking out the zeds) and have a glass whilst blogging. Most days I don't give a fuck, some days I do. Today is a "I don't give a flying fuck with added benefits." Dave just walked in and I flicked screens. He said "what are you doing?" and I showed him and he said "there's nothing wrong with that." Why can or do some people think this way and others don't? Guess what I did today? You'll never guess. I had a pooper scoop, a de-poop, colonic hydrotherapy. Of course, as a family blog, I wasn't gonna broadcast it on there. Honestly, I'm a huge fan of them. I can see you screwing up your nose imagining a hose up your arse but seriously it's not that bad and not like what you imagine at all. I once used it as a weight loss strategy and gave them a break for a long while whilst I sorted my shit out but before I left I treated them as a "taking good care of myself" measurement. And was even offered a job as a Colon Hydrotherapist when/if I get back. And I'll seriously consider it. Another blanc at five pounds fifty - highway fucking robbery! I think old mate the barman is keeping tabs on me ;) Weird how alcohol dampens your appetite. I'm currently thinking fuck dinner which is already prepared from last night (vegetable and brown rice stir-fry). Gosh, I love England but I especially love when I hear a group of guys sitting behind me continuously saying "fuck." It's a great word isn't it? You can use it in so many contexts. Fuck me, fuck you, I might get a fuck tonight (lol), fuck this is awesome, fuck I love my life, etc. Here come some more English men and women. C'mon, let's liven up this fucken party! Where's the music for fuck sake? In Aus, you wouldn't dare be at a pub on a Friday night without some form of fucking music - jukebox or live band. I want me karaoke! There's a guy at the bar scratching his arse. Why do men do that in public? And adjust their balls for that matter? There's some Melbournetonians and Americans within ears reach. They're talking about global warming for fucks sake. Get a fucking life! I've switched drinks - vodka, lime and soda. I'm feeling pissed and I have to listen quite intently to the barman who asks "add it to the tab?" I'm trying to act cool, calm and collected but quietly I just want to go fucken crazy! Am I a bad mother for leaving Dave at home to deal with the children and get them dinner? Aw fuck em. Dave's now joined me and we're checkin out facebook. Fuckin shit isn't it? Right, I'm off now and gonna get me a good fuck!